My introspection model and process

There are various layers to unfold in ourselves. Reflecting on the various layers of our consciousness can help to deepen our understanding and find solutions to challenges or aspects in life, that we may not have discovered, perhaps without a lot more time and repeated ‘life lessons’.

These are some steps I use to deepen my introspection practice and have found to be an effective model. It’s experimental and my process is always developing. I don’t necessarily do it exactly in this order or do all of the steps, all of the time. I do what I can make time for. Sometimes I do all of it, on a topic I care about deeply or need help with, and find myself unlocking something deep within.

At a high level these are the 7 steps to a deeper introspection:

Observe our actions, thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behaviour and self.
Reflect and analyse the causation.
Improve by understanding what needs to change
Summarise and plan practical steps to change
Create reminders, visualise and affirm
Record and review progress
Share (optional)

Let’s go through each step in detail.

1. Observe

Introspection starts with simply noticing. When I am at this stage, I try not to judge myself or over-analyse. I try to see myself as if I was watching someone else, calmly and dispassionately. The understanding part, the “why”, comes after.

Observe your actions and interactions

At first we need to observe what we did (a basic recall of our experiences). Choose a period, such as today or this morning, and recall it:

What were my actions?
Who did I interact with, and where? Think about people, places, situations and experiences.

It helps to go through the day in parts, such as morning, afternoon and evening, or even hour by hour, or a particular experience.

Write these down (or if you are in a private space, you can use the voice to text feature as well). The process of writing helps with recall and extracting information from the mind.

Then choose two things to look at more closely: one action you are not happy with, and one you are happy with and would like to understand more deeply. Both are important, not just the negative (which is a human tendency). Introspection should be balanced, looking at both our strengths and our weaknesses. If we look only to our weaknesses it can leave us feeling discouraged or stressed about all the flaws we need to change. Our strengths help to counteract our weaknesses, so don’t forget to think about this too.

Observe your thoughts, feelings and attitudes

Now that you have a list of actions, let’s also observe our inner processes. For each action you want to delve deeper into (ideally one which you were happy with and one which you were not), ask:

What was I thinking?
What was I feeling?
What attitude was I carrying into it?

This is still not an analysis of causation, just a simple observation of our mental processes and emotions or feelings and reactions.

Observe your body, mind and soul

These are parts of ourselves that we often don’t pay attention to. Let us see these parts of ourselves, as it can give us insight too.

Think back to the moment itself and notice:

How did my body feel?
How was my breath? Was it quick and shallow, or slow and deep?
Was my mind restless or calm?
How much was I acting from a deeper sense of self (my soul consciousness), and how much from an ego consciousness?

2. Reflect and analyse

Once you are aware of what happened, go one layer deeper and ask what caused it.

Look for the cause

Was the action, thought or feeling caused by:

a habit?
outer circumstances? This could be an interaction with someone, or even a sense (saw, touched, heard, felt, smelt).
inner intuitive guidance?
another action, thought or feeling that came before it? (Our actions, thoughts and feelings can be instigated by another action, thought or feeling).
a desire? Desires are strong feelings, sometimes habits in disguise, that pull us in a direction.

Reflect on beliefs and attitudes

Then ask what lay underneath:

What attitude sat behind it?
What inner beliefs, or stories, was I telling myself?

Many of these come from our past and surroundings: how we were brought up, our family, school and early experiences, and the culture around us, both local and global. Seeing where a belief came from often loosens its grip.

Ask questions

You do not have to understand the cause of everything. It is fine to have gaps. Write down the questions you cannot answer yet.

I have often found that after writing down my questions, within days or a night of sleep, the answer has appeared to me in my mind, without necessarily putting more conscious energy into trying to answer it. Even if I don’t find the answer quickly, just having a log of questions I don’t know the answer to, is helpful to go back to as well later on. Sometimes we can answer these in the future, and it helps us to see our self-development.

3. Improve

Improvement has two halves. First work out what to change, then how.

What needs to change?

Ask which of these needs attention:

my beliefs
my attitudes
my thoughts
my feelings
my actions
my environment

How can I change it?

What is the opposite of the negative pattern? If the pattern is fear, the opposite might be courage. If it is irritation, it might be patience. What qualities do I want to cultivate?
How can I build these qualities? Affirmations are one way.
What aids could help me, such as reminders, a vision board, visualisation or a list of benefits?
Do I need to find out more about something I do not understand? If so, be specific about what I need to learn, and decide how: books, the internet, talking to people, counselling or training.

Find your motivation

Change lasts when you want it. Spend time on:

The benefits. How will my life be better if I change, or if I keep up a good habit?
Inspiration. Quotes or passages from writings that move you can carry you through the days when motivation fades.

4. Summarise and plan

Reflection that stops at insight is not always enough. Without practice it is more of an intellectual exercise and doesn’t have sufficient power to bring about change. Let us reflect on how we can bring it down to earth, and apply our will to create or enforce new pathways:

Pick one to three things you can and will do.
What will you do today? What will you do tomorrow?
What are the key lessons you learned? Put them in a sentence or two.

5. Create reminders, visualise and affirm

This step helps to deepen the subconscious commitment to the practice and lodge it into our memory.

The minimum:

a written reminder, and
a strong mental determination to practise.

If you have more time:

Make the aids you chose: write your affirmations, set your reminders, create your vision.
Find creative ways to express what you are working on. Write a letter to God, draw it, paint it, write a song or a poem.
Do research on questions you have or topics you identified you need more understanding or knowledge on to deal with it.
Above all, be interested in making the change. Curiosity and interest last longer than willpower alone. It can be helpful to make a written reminder on a note, of why we want to make the change.

Where to put it:

Place these reminders or affirmations somewhere visible, like a sticky note on a mirror or next to your bed.

If you made artwork or did something creative with it that you are proud of, you can hang it on a wall. I made a painting for my New Year’s resolution and put it in the entrance to my house, to remind me of my goal each time I see it.

You can create custom reminders on the Mirror Dear app, so your phone notifies you.

6. Record and review progress

Progress is easy to miss if you do not look for it. Record what you did, and look back on it regularly: once a week, once a quarter and once a year. Over time, patterns appear that you would never notice day to day, and so does the progress you have made.

If you made something along the way, such as a poem, a drawing or a short note on what you learned, consider sharing it with others. It might help someone else, and helping others is an act of service that also keeps you motivated.

Of course, sharing private reflections publicly may not always be wise or comforting, which is why this is optional. You can always pick who to share it with, or if you wish to share it at all. Various opportunities to share are also offered in the Mirror Dear community on the app and at our events.

A short version to try this week

If seven steps feels like a lot, begin with just this:

Observe: at the end of the day, write down three things you did, and pick one you are not happy with.
Reflect: ask what thought or feeling was behind it, and what caused it.
Improve: write the opposite quality you would like to practise instead.
Plan: choose one small thing to do tomorrow.
Remind: put a note where you will see it.

Try this for a week, and look back to see if you made progress.

A lot of the reflection guides in the Mirror Dear app are based on this process. I am always happy to receive feedback on how this has worked for you and how we can improve this process and our guides.